Letters

‘05-02-2009‘: ‘……. your birthday coming up and have already spent a week contemplating which magician to book for your party. I am not even sure it is a good idea and I cannot resist the idea of having your face in awe when you see pigeons coming out of the hat while …….’

’17-07-2010’: ‘…….and you asked me if you could play with Tanya again today. I wish it was possible every day, sweetie and it takes a lot of organization and energy to arrange all these play dates. You have a bit of an angry face right now drawing in silence but I see you are trying to overcome it and I am so grateful for that…….’

‘02-10-2011’: ‘……. it is Thursday and you are tired. Long week and your eyes are hardly open. It is 5.30pm, you need to do homework and you cannot stand the thought. Neither can I. We are both miserable. I do not seem to find the patience or inspiration to let you off the hook, though…….’

’11-12-12’: ‘……. cannot contain myself while waiting for the moment to tell you what the surprise is. We have kept it for a whole two weeks and you are about to find out; finally you realize what is going on; you turn to me and you scream out of your lungs jumping up and down the way only ‘you’ can express joy…….’

‘06-07-13’: ‘……. kissing you goodnight and you look at me intensely. ‘What is it, sweetheart?’ You take one more moment and you ask me what happens to little children when a mommy or daddy dies. I swallow my tears and ask you what made you think of this…….’

’12-08-13’: ‘……. you sit opposite of me while I work and you have brought your self-made make up case. You stick your finger with some blue paint just under your eyebrow, you miss and almost get it in your eye. You are so cute …….’

As a parent, I picked up a new habit; often overwhelmed with joy or frustration, I wrote letters to my children. Short, raw, spontaneous, straight from the heart, just for them to read when the time is right.

Photo albums, drawings, favorite pacifier, first tooth, their sentimental value is invaluable. They are self-confidence builders. Even though many of us take them for granted and might eventually throw them away, they still have served their purpose; they tell us that there were people who thought about us, took care of our personal history and held our hand tight when we needed them to.

Memory is water. Memory is selective. Why not capture the moment, the emotion, the thought, the word, the expression in an old-fashioned hand-written letter as well? Children’s self-esteem thrives when they hear stories about themselves. They fuel their energy, passion and love for life.

A modest collection of 50 letters addressed to each of my children so far has also served as my personal diary through this special journey. I emptied my head and I am looking forward to offering it to them when they are 16, 25, are getting married or expecting their first child. Each letter has a different tone, describes different setting, hides important milestones and they are all connecting dots. They all have their favorite sticker at the time. In a way, they carry my parental style, my convictions, my doubts. I chose for a few letters each year as some things still need to remain nicely unsaid and open for interpretation but some things need to be clear…as the ‘I love you’s, the ‘thank you’s, the ‘I am sorry’s. And there are plenty of those in them. They picture my own development as well as theirs.

The letters have answers on how their characters were formed, where they got their habits from. They will offer them forgiveness when they also fall into similar mistakes as mine and solutions on how to get back on their feet. They will make them feel the gratefulness they brought into someone’s life, my life. They will help them understand me better and reach a deeper part within themselves. They will tell stories of what worked and what did not.

Above all, the letters are showered with love.