Harvard Graduate School of Education, Cambridge
I was born in Greece, the home of olives and grapes. I studied Economics and had a successful career in IT before stumbling across Life Coaching and NLP. Today, I’m an NLP trainer, a Life Coach, a wife, a mother, a world traveller. Nothing gives me more joy than sharing what I’ve learnt, and am still learning, with you. Read more
It is not about what you say; it is about who you are
‘Maria, don’t scream!’| How many times have we actually asked our kids to be less loud, not scream, and not shout? How did we actually ask it? In a low and calm voice?
This is what it comes down to. The ‘how’ we do things.
‘May, stop watching television, go and play’ How many times do we spend ourselves in front of a screen, a computer or television or iphone? How often do we actually play and how often are we creative ourselves?
‘Be the person you want your children to be’, this is the voice I hear inside me, so loud and so clear.
‘Kelly, you need to do your homework!’ How many times do our children see us do some kind of homework ourselves? Read a book, reflect, and develop intellectually?
This is the choice our children will make on how they spend their free time.
Our dream is to have our children smiling and happy. Is this how we are most of the day? Do we smile regularly? Are we content with ourselves? How many of us work on our emotional intelligence and personal well-being actively?
This is what the children will model.
The little ones will copy exactly our breath’s rhythm, the way we eat, walk, interact, behave, work, sit and talk. They will copy our passion for life and calmness of mind. Every detail, this is the wonder of them.
Some parents think: ‘My child is difficult and demanding, I do not know who he took after’.
Most of the times, there are not any difficult children. And most of the times, it is not about a gene characteristic inherit ant by birth. A child will model specific behaviors in the environment it is growing up, a parent, sibling, grandparent or teacher. Most of the times, it is a parent.
Therefore, check where you, as a parent might need to change a certain “difficult and demanding” behavior and the child will follow blindly as you are his/her role model.
By becoming parents is an opportunity to work on our own improvement as individuals, find solutions to our own daemons from the past, forgive mistakes they were done on us when we were children and become who we really want to be and we want our children to be.
The rest will happen automatically. The children will follow our own patterns.
There is no reason asking a child to be something we, personally do not represent because we only lose their trust. Repeating orders or demands to our children just makes them tired; lose their self-confidence and appetite for life’s wonders.
Showing them by example our humor, honesty, fairness, endurance, persistence, hard work, relaxation, playfulness, love and passion, it will ensure they develop these qualities and take them to the next level.
Even when life throws challenges and problems, it is exactly then our children will pay even closer attention to how we handled these situations. Our courage and sense of hope will teach them the most profound lesson.
Be exactly the qualities you admire in every aspect of life and soon you will find parenting much smoother and rewarding.
By law, there is no license necessary to become parent. Anyone of us can just bring a tender soul in the world, a lot of times before having dealt with traumatic events carried in our hearts and minds ourselves. By definition, if you are human, chances are you will have some kind of traumas.
What we need to understand is that our kids will imitate us in great precision; they will also inherit our negative reactions and way of thinking. Being very consciously aware of this fact can really make a difference in our parenting skills. We can take more responsibility without blaming ourselves or them, and definitely stop wondering what makes kids react the way they do.
When a child screams for attention or is having a rough time, it can be our compass to turn our attention to us and fix what is bothering us.
We really hold the keys to our children’s peace of mind. It is all about our own peace of mind.